Empoword Community

I am. Brave, that is – I am brave. At least that is what I am told. It is not a word I would use to describe myself (that would be enthusiastic!), but people always say that I am brave and so I must be. What does that mean – to be brave?

When I think of bravery, I think of slaying dragons, taking on big business, running for elected office, entering a cocktail reception full of strangers – alone, repelling off a cliff, white water rafting, driving a motorcycle, jumping hurdles, or being a single parent. Anyone who does those things is brave in my book!!! So what makes me give people the impression that I am brave?

Perhaps it is because I am not afraid of public speaking. In fact, I love public speaking! Is it because I travel independently? Or maybe it’s the cancer thing. Yes, that must be it. I am a 5-year sarcoma survivor whose treatment involved the amputation of my dominant left hand. I have had a life experience - undergone something painful and unpleasant - for which there is no preparation or training, and I have endured. I am here to tell the story. Yes, I think that is what being brave is all about – facing the unexpected circumstances of life, moving forward with and through the fear, and coming out the other side to tell the story.

I speak on behalf of the Masonic Cancer Center University of Minnesota as often as invited. My goal in telling my story is to encourage and inspire others to live life – everyday – experiencing all of life’s moments as they contribute to the authenticity we all long for. Life is full of issues and challenges not of our choosing. What we do get to choose is how we respond to those moments. That is where bravery shines. Helen Keller said, “Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired, and success achieved.”

Today, I am a 60 year old, right-handed woman, wife, mother, grandmother of 2, and cancer free, left trans-radial amputee. Just 5 years ago I was a left-handed woman, wife and mother; in apparent good health. I ate reasonably well, was physically active, had annual check-ups, did yoga, attended church regularly, volunteered in the community and even read to 4 year olds at a church day care center weekly! But as Rabbi Mordechai Kaplan put it, “Expecting bad things not to happen to you just because you are good is like not expecting the bull to charge just because you are a vegetarian!”

In February 2003, I had a soft, non-painful lump on my left wrist that I ignored for about 7 weeks – hoping that it would go away. An MRI revealed a 6-inch mass, beginning in my hand, filling my wrist and extending into my forearm. On March 14, 2003, I went to the Masonic Cancer Center University of Minnesota for the first time to see Dr. Denis Clohisy, an orthopedic surgeon. When Denis introduced himself and asked me how I was feeling, I answered, “I’d be a whole lot better if I wasn’t here!” Within 14 days, I had a biopsy and a diagnosis of very high grade, non-metastatic Sarcoma – CANCER!

I had never heard the word “sarcoma” before but I certainly knew the word “cancer”! My sister had died from malignant melanoma 13 years prior. I was shocked and afraid. I had life to live! I had a trip to Italy planned in April. My husband, Dale was taking the responsibility as president of a national trade association in July. Our daughter Anna was being married in August. And our son, Bryan, and his wife were thinking of making us grandparents for the first time! You know that John Lennon quote, “Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.”

Dr. Clohisy performed my surgery on Friday the 13th of June 2003, one month earlier than planned, because chemotherapy had no affect on the tumor. It was growing – not shrinking. The good news/bad news in that was I did not have to have chemo post-surgery. However, if any cancer cells had moved on elsewhere in my body, they were also unaffected. The fear that the cancer will return is always there, but that is a gift – to remind me everyday to live, authentically.

Cancer is a very powerful and proficient teacher. Indeed, there are few better. I feel fortunate to be alive and am blessed with loving and supportive family and friends and the privilege and freedom to make choices. I am strong, fiercely independent and determined. My short-term memory has improved. I eat reasonably well, am physically active, have regular check-ups, attend church, volunteer in the community and read to my 2 and 4 year old grandchildren as often as I can! I seem to amaze and inspire people around me, without this being my intention. I am living life.

If cancer is the narrow spot in an hourglass, and I am the sand, then I have moved from the top through the tight spot to the bottom – the same sand – but with a different arrangement. I acknowledge that life is full of narrow spots, not all of them labeled cancer; and not all of them negative – they indicate change, which is sometimes not easy to endure!

I don’t believe being brave means being fearless. On the contrary, it is acknowledging the role that fear plays in our lives and taking action in spite of it. Bravery is moving forward through these fearful experiences and opportunities to be awakened, to have your vision cleared, for your soul to be strengthened, your ambition inspired, and your success achieved. It is having faith that life is worth living; that there are lessons to be learned everyday; and that by choosing to be present in as many moments of life as we can, we have the opportunity to create memories for ourselves and those around us with unforeseen outcomes.

If my willingness to adjust to an unexpected experience has given people the impression that I am brave, then I will accept their description. I am brave. I am.

Ruth Bachman, a cancer survivor and left trans-radial amputee, currently serves on the Community Advisory Board of The Masonic Cancer Center at the University of Minnesota. On their behalf, she has spoken in the community several times and is an ambassador for Community Health Charities Minnesota and has spoken at a number of Twin Cities businesses as part of their workplace giving and involvement campaigns. Ruth’s greatest speaking accomplishment is realizing that the silence in a room of 700 estate lawyers at a luncheon, was a result of them actually listening to her! Always willing to share her enthusiasm, she tells the story of her cancer journey to inspire everyone to live life everyday. Her life goal is to contribute meaningfully and productively without ever having to write a resume! Looking for an inspiring speaker? Contact Ruth at ruthbachman@mac.com.