Assessing the Why Factor?
by Renée Barnow, Guest Blogger
Why questions seem to offer a primary opening for learning. Do they? Action Based Communication™ says that rather than offering a primary opening, why questions disrupt and potentially close off learning.
People often ask why questions about external events such as the dramatic change in the financial environment as a way to gain understanding. Why me? Why is this happening? In looking for answers to why questions, people interfere with the reality of the events. People in pain or in a place of uncertainty often spend a lot of energy attempting to answer why questions, reducing the amount of energy available for healing, learning and exploring possibilities.
How many ways would Elizabeth Barrett Browning have been able to count if she had asked, “Why do I love thee?”
* Why questions put people on the defensive
* Why questions create distance
* Why questions create resistance
* Why questions generate aloofness
* Why questions do not change anything
* Why questions move out of the present
* Why questions reduce ability to focus
* Why questions can instantly deflate
Attempting to answer why also interrupts enjoyment. “Oddly, even the simple act of explaining why a good thing is good can zap your positivity. It turns out that unexplained positivity lasts longer than positivity we analyze until we fully understand it.” (Barbara Fredrickson, Positivity, p.50)
Exercise: Become aware of your body when you ask or hear a why question. Get curious about shifts in posture, muscles and gaze. What is your physical stance? How open are you?
As the founder and managing principal of Rightline, www.right-line.com, a company that provides coaching and consulting services, Renée Barnow is sought out for her multi-faceted roles as a Creative Enthusiasm Officer (CEO) and Calming Inspiration Optimizer (CIO).
With a background in communication, Renée’s work has evolved from designing and developing users’ manuals, training materials, and corporate communication vehicles to organizational communication associated with large scale leadership and technology change to coaching, which she loves and considers the highest and most dynamic form of communication.
Renée has enjoyed a life-long fascination with language, especially words, and how they promote or hinder connections. She is the author of Action Based Communication: Changing Experience through Language.
